<a name="ch5">Chapter 5

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// Death could not decide weather to be worried or elated. It's host was starting to remember their first encounter. That was cause for worry. But he did not remember much nor did it appear as if that memory was going to make a swift recovery. So it decided to ignore that development for the moment. Besides, it had more interesting things to do.

Such as savoring its few outings. And enjoying the torment. That had been an extra bonus, one it planned on using. Death liked seeing the fear and the struggle that came from those it delivered to the next world. It never before realized that it could be just as fun creating it in the living. Even more so. //

"So what's going on?" Jack demanded. He stood next to the bed, his gaze flicking between Daniel and Dr. Frazier.

"I think he's been existing on coffee alone for the last week," Janet said, throwing a worried look at her charge.

Daniel kept his eyes on his hands and the white sheet. He didn't need to see her face to know how she felt about that. Her voice said it all. He was pretty sure that right about now Jack's eyes were mirroring her expression.

"That would have been enough," the doctor continued. "Teal'c said he was hyperventilating when he found Daniel. That would cause him to pass out as well."

Daniel hated it when people talked about him as if he weren't in the room. He had half a mind to say something, but he didn't really feel like talking. So he let Janet continue to speak over his head to Jack.

"Teal'c also said he looked scared." Janet paused a moment, sighed. "I can't explain the panic attack. And he won't talk to me."

Daniel could feel Jack's eyes boring through him as he moved to sit in the uncomfortable chair. "Daniel?"

Daniel stared at his hands, clenching the sheet and twisting one way then the other. He knew Jack wanted an explanation. But he couldn't give it. For the first time he was afraid to talk to Jack.

Once upon a time he could spout academically unaccepted theories. He could explain to his friends about the seemingly impossible happening to him. He could say "I'm not crazy," and believe every word of it. But not anymore.

This time he did not touch a Goa'uld artifact. Machello and his devices had no bearing, he was sure of that. And there were no drugs to amplify the effects of said devices. This time it was all on his own. This time, the craziness was real. And Daniel was terrified. "Daniel?" The familiar tone of warning had crept into Jack's voice.

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut. He was scared. And Jack wanted to know why. There was nothing Jack could do this time. There was no way around the drugs and the room that he could see. He couldn't even come up with any crazy theories.

He took a deep breath. Might as well get it over with. Jack was waiting. "I... I saw something."

The infirmary couldn't have gotten any quieter. He felt Jack and Janet exchange looks over his head. Suddenly Jack was on his feet, the chair scraping loudly on the tiled floor as he pushed it away.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Janet asked on his heels. Then, "Why didn't Teal'c say anything?"

Daniel told him about the latest vision. About how for a few moments he was no longer in the SGC but in some man's apartment, watching him be murdered. Daniel left out that the man died by his hands. He still couldn't quite believe that himself. He also left out that the person in his vision enjoyed it. That was too much for him.

He told them all the horrid details. The plant, the record player, the knife, the words. And just how real it seemed. Finally he stopped speaking and watched his hands, which had gone still and white gripping the sheet. He couldn't bring himself to face the disappointment he knew was Jack's face.

Daniel shook his head. "The fourth," he answered. "Or fifth," he added, not quite sure. "But it was the most intense."

Daniel just shook his head. It wasn't stress as he hoped. The rest should be obvious.

Another pause. He could almost hear them communicating with their eyes. But he still couldn't bring himself to look at them. To see for sure what they thought, what they were feeling.

Janet broke the silence again. "Meantime, what do you need? Which books do I need to send my nurses to that library of yours to get?"

Daniel felt the corners of his mouth edge up despite himself. "My notes," he said hopefully, daring a quick glance at the doctor. She looked worried but determined. He liked her determined look.

He heard a soft snort from his other side. "I'll get them," Jack volunteered. The chair screeched again as he stood and started for the door.

"I can use some clean clothes," he admitted. "I used all my spares." He finally looked up.

Jack was giving a funny look he couldn't quite read. Then he snorted again and smiled. "Right. And should I do a little dusting while I'm at it?"

Jack was teasing him. For some reason that made Daniel feel a lot better. "Um, don't forget to feed the fish?"

Jack drove to Daniel's apartment cursing Daniel's luck. The man had more than his fair share of it, both the good and the bad. Daniel needed a break from both.

Why didn't Daniel say that he was seeing things? Even as the question crossed Jack's mind, he knew the answer. His friend was afraid they would sic Mackenzie on him again. Jack wouldn't wish Mackenzie on his worst enemy, not even Maybourne or Apophis.

What was it with Daniel and alien devices anyway? First it was that mirror thingy that sent him to another universe. Then getting addicted to the sarcophagus. Then Machello and that body switching device of his. And Machello again and his little Goa'uld booby traps.

Ah, hell. That wasn't the point. He was distracting himself and he knew it. The point was that they had lost Daniel's trust with that incident, and deservedly so. But until now he hadn't realized just how wide a rift Mackenzie and Machello's little gift had caused them. He realized it was a two sided divide.

On the one side was Daniel. He did not trust his friends enough to let them know he was in trouble. He didn't trust his doctor enough to tell her that something was wrong. And when was the last time he had heard Daniel spout one of his odd ball but invariably correct theories? When they were trying to figure out the cause to his hallucinations the first time. Damn. How many ideas has he kept to himself because he thought the rest of his team would get the wrong idea? Worse yet, and this very thought made Jack's teeth clench, how much has Daniel kept silent about because he couldn't trust *himself* with his ideas?

Jack had to admit that he dreaded hearing Daniel's weird notions. In one way, it would be a relief to know that Daniel was back to being Daniel. But then there was the other side of that rift. How would he know that the next crazy theory was just Daniel making the quantum leaps the man was known for, and not Daniel being crazy? Would he know the difference just by knowing Daniel?

That whole line of thought was depressing. And making Jack even angrier. They couldn't afford the not knowing. Not as a team. Most certainly not as friends.

Jack finally reached the apartment building and parked. This was not something he needed to be thinking about now. Later he, Daniel, Carter and Teal'c would have a long talk, together. Now he needed to worry about making Daniel comfortable again. And finding a way to help him through this hurdle.

Jack fitted the key into Daniel's door and paused. Something was wrong here. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Jack stood straighter, trying to determine what was setting off the internal alarm bells. Then he found it. An odor.

The cloying smell was faint over here. He moved down the hall one way, sniffing cautiously. Then down the other. It was strongest by the door of Daniel's neighbor. A sickening smell Jack had more experience with than he cared to recall. It was the smell of death.

Jack stood with his back against the hall and rapped on the door. Nothing. He didn't really expect there to be, but that was no reason to throw caution to the wind. He knocked harder. Then shouted a warning that he was coming in.

He was surprised to find the door was unlocked. Keeping his back to the wall, he slowly turned the knob, pushing the door open. A quick peek showed no immediate signs of danger.

He choked over the odor. This was definitely the source. With a muttered curse he put his arm up over his mouth, using his jacket sleeve to breath through. It did not help as much as he would have liked.

Jack slowly entered, scanning the area, looking for the source of the smell. He found it. Just as Daniel had described it. The couch, the record player, the plant, the body and the blood. Everything matching Daniel's detail, given the extra time for nature to take her course.

Jack felt sick, and not just from the sight before him. There was a lot of explaining to be done. And Jack knew already that he wasn't going to like the answers.

"It was real?" Daniel couldn't believe his ears. "It… it wasn't just an hallucination?"

Jack shook his head. "No, Daniel. I saw the body myself. Everything was just like you described it."

Daniel rubbed his eyes. It took his mind a moment to get around the concept. He hadn't been hallucinating. Relief swept through him. He wasn't going crazy after all. Jack had seen it too. It was...

He slumped back as the horror of it hit him like a physical blow. It was *real*. Someone had died. Not just any someone, his *neighbor* had died. Murdered. By his own hands.

Daniel looked up. The confusion and fear must have shown on his face because Jack's frown deepened.

"Did you see the murder?" The blunt question was softened by his expression. He was trying to figure this whole thing out as hard as Daniel was.

Daniel shook his head. Jack's eyes narrowed at the jerky motion. He never could lie to Jack, not even partially. Jack knew how to read him too well.

Jack didn't say anything, clearly waiting for a further explanation. Sam and Teal'c glanced at each other. It was Janet who finally voiced their question.

Daniel decided that watching his hands would be easier. "I saw it through the...the visions," he stammered, hating that he hadn't told them earlier, hating that it was still so difficult to voice what he knew. "Just in the flashes."

"And did you 'see' the murderer?" Jack didn't believe him. Or maybe it was the whole situation he was having trouble dealing with.

"Yeah." Daniel took a deep breath. His next words were barely audible. "It was me."

There was a pause as his friends digested that piece of information. The moment dragged on, Daniel finally glanced up to gauge their reactions. Shocked disbelief all around. And confusion that mirrored his own.

Daniel took a breath and found his voice. "In that last...flash, when Teal'c found me, it was me who held the knife, me who spoke those words, me who..." He shook his head, unable to say it. "At least, it certainly * felt * like me. I mean, it wasn't like I was just some observer or something. More like I was a participant."

"Wait a minute!" Jack threw up his hands and turned an incredulous gaze on Sam. "What are saying? That Daniel had some sort of psychic vision or something?"

"I'm not saying anything." Sam defended. "Yet. But he wasn't there to see it. And I can't believe he would do it." She shrugged. "It doesn't leave us much of an explanation otherwise, sir."

She frowned. "I've never bought into such things myself. But the Major's right. I can't think of another explanation at the moment." She tapped the papers she held her hands. "And his tests came back clean. Aside from not eating," at that she threw Daniel a stern look, "and a little trouble sleeping, he's perfectly healthy."

"So now Daniel's suddenly gone psychic on us?" Jack gave him an appraising look. Daniel shrugged back. The idea rivaled some of his best.

"Okay." Jack looked at his team. "Just for the sake of argument that that's the case, and I'm not saying I believe it, but for the sake of argument. Why is it happening *now*? Why the sudden change?"

"Perhaps the nightmares Daniel Jackson had earlier are related," Teal'c suggested.

"What? He had visions in his sleep?" Jack's eyebrows were as high as Daniel had ever seen them.

"There isn't a lot known about them. Maybe, for the sake of argument," Janet gave a nod to Jack, "Maybe they need him to be in a certain state of mind. Less alpha wave activity, more delta wave activity."

"When Daniel Jackson had the nightmares, he called out for O'Neill and Major Carter."

"Well that's a relief," Jack said dryly. He turned back to Sam and Janet. "That still doesn't explain why Daniel is seeing things in the first place."

Daniel flinched at the description. Jack noticed and gave him an apologetic look.

"If they are related. When exactly did your nightmares begin?" Janet asked. "And where?"

"That creepy planet," Sam supplied. Daniel nodded and supplied the planet's number, pausing a moment to recall the date.

"And that happened after our quick jaunt through the snow," Daniel said, seeing where Janet was going with this.

"It's possible. I'll double check my readings from those two dates, make sure there's no discrepancies. Meanwhile, I want you," she motioned to Daniel, "confined to base. And tell me if and when you 'see' anything again."

"Sure." Sam patted Daniel on the arm. "We'll figure this out," she assured him before leaving with Dr. Frazier.

Daniel rubbed his eyes again and sighed. He wasn't crazy but he was psychic? Daniel snorted inwardly to himself. Granted, such things made for good entertainment. But he wasn't sure he actually believed in it, specially not in relation to himself.

Still, it was nice to know that images invading his waking hours had a source. A source. That put more unpleasant thoughts in his mind.

"I was just thinking. If all this is true, I might have been able to stop it." He might have been able to stop his neighbor from being murdered. And he blew it because he was afraid for his sanity.

"Daniel, the man has been dead for days. Trust me on this. You couldn't have done anything."

"So what was that? A..a memory?" Even as the words left his mouth, Daniel knew it was true. Why the scene had been so vivid, so real. Because it had been a memory, a flashback of sorts. But whose; his, or the killer's?

"He wasn't the only one." He'd also seen the man in green. And the alien. Had the alien been real? Now that he thought about it, that had felt like a memory of sorts too. So had the man in green. Maybe it was already too late.

Daniel shook his head in frustration. "I don't know. Except that I think I knew him." He tried to bring the image to mind, to remember more than a stained shirt and broken glasses. Those were the only details he could recall, and said as much.

"It's okay, Daniel," Jack said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll figure this out. You'll see."

Daniel wished he could believe Jack's repetition of Sam's earlier words. He really did not want to see anymore bodies that weren't there.

// "Captain Carter!" She looked awful. She was curled around herself, making pained noises as her blood quenched the steam of the sand. Her face was pale and glittered with sweat. Her breathing was quick, short, and far too liquidy.

Teal'c opened his eyes and scanned his quarters with some confusion. Where had that come from? The scene had unfolded like a dream, interrupting his attempt to perform kel no'reem. It had the unpleasant sensation of memory. Memory did not make sense.

He had been to many places in his trips with SG1. Very few of them were worlds of sand. Only two readily came to mind. Abydos, Daniel Jackson's adopted home. And the Oannes world, where the alien Nem had abducted Daniel Jackson and left the rest of the team with false memories of his demise. If bad memories were to crop up of hot sand and dying friends, it would be of that place. Only it would include a fire engulfed Daniel Jackson and his haunting screams for help. Not of Major Carter dying even as he carried her to help.

And he had never seen her injured in such a way. Once she had a knife wound to the stomach, but that had been minor and quickly cared for. And once she had been shot by a staff weapon, but she had died almost immediately and it had not been such a bloody mess before the Nox performed their magic and resuscitated his team.

But the scene he had just 'witnessed'... Perhaps it was indeed just a dream, a strange melding of the events on Nem's world and with the Nox. That might explain why it had the flavor of a memory. A mix of two waking nightmares with a bit of his own subconscious creating.

The notion did not sit well with Teal'c. However, it was the best idea he could come up with as he drifted back into the meditative state of kel no'reem.

Daniel jerked to wakefulness and blinked at the fuzziness of the infirmary. It took him a moment to catch his breath and place where he was. Home.

He swallowed and rubbed at his eyes. The infirmary came into slightly better focus. He was home. He noticed his shaking hands. And he was himself. Not that... that...*thing* in his dreams. Not that monster who would hurt his friends and like it.

He could still see Sam's face. The pain that glazed her eyes, the confusion that creased her sweating brows. The betrayal. It was that one expression above all others that stayed with him, that reappeared every time he blinked. Daniel shivered.

Well, sleep was not an option. He couldn't bring himself to just lay there and count the holes in the ceiling. That wasn't distracting enough, he knew from experience. He needed to do something. To stretch both his body and his mind. To just plain move.

Daniel also knew from more experience than he cared to admit to, just where to find his clothes and the best way of sneaking out. Janet Frazier wasn't going to be happy at him. Or her nurses for allowing him to sneak off. But he was going to go stir crazy if he stayed in that bed any longer.

He made it to the hallway unnoticed. He paused, looking down one end of the corridor, then the other. He hadn't given much thought to where he should go, just that he needed out. His office, he decided, would be the safest place for now. Considering that he wasn't supposed to be there, he shouldn't be interrupted until someone realized he wasn't asleep where he should be.

"You know, Daniel," Jack started, not bothering to knock as he entered the office, and startling Daniel from his reading. "One of these days your going to disappear and the Doc's going to sound the alarm before sending out the search party. Then you're going to be in real big trouble."

"Hi, Jack." Daniel glanced at the time. He'd been away for an hour. It was longer than he expected, but not long enough.

"Something like that." He marked his spot and put the book down. He wasn't going to get anymore reading done with Jack here.

Jack moved papers from the extra chair and sat. He regarded Daniel for a moment before asking, "Want to talk about it?"

Daniel regarded his hands. "She died?" Why was it there was always a question mark hanging around when one of them said another was 'dead'? He knew the answer to that one. Death wasn't always a permanent state when it came to SG1. Daniel prayed it would remain that way for a long time to come.

"Exactly," Daniel answered softly. Except for the fact that Sam put up a struggle.

"Well it was just a nightmare then," Jack said, standing up. "'Cause I just saw Carter not ten minutes ago. Scientists," he muttered, "they never know when to sleep."

Daniel just looked at him. He wanted to believe Jack. But they were more than just nightmares. He knew it. He was pretty sure Jack thought so too.

"Come on," Jack waved toward the door. "Doc's going to chew us both out if I don't get you back soon."

Apparently Sam and Daniel weren't the only ones who 'never know when to sleep'. They turned a corner and ran into an airman, literally. Daniel, the airman, and the boxes he carried all found the floor at about the same time.

"Sorry, sir!" The young man picked himself up as Daniel scrambled to his feet. "Didn't see you coming."

"Not unless you can see through those," Jack said, gesturing to one of the small boxes he was helping the other man pick up. He helped pile them up again in the nervous man's arms. "Okay?"

A blond head peeked out from the side. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Again, I'm sorry. Sir. Doctor." With that he hurried off, barely avoiding a collision with another passerby.

Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You alright?" he asked Daniel, who was watching the scene down the hall with some amusement.

"Fine," he said with a bemused smile. "But my glasses aren't." They were on the floor, lens side down, one of the sides bent at an odd angle. He hoped it was from the hinge and not the middle of the frame. It might be easier to fix that way. He reached down to retrieve the errant glasses, and found himself in another corridor altogether.

"Yes," Daniel heard himself agree, following the other man into the closet and closing the door behind him. "Let's get this over with. I have more important work to do."

// He released Ashton's wrist, letting the body fall where it will. It landed on it's side. Eyes rolled back but still open. One hand just inches from his glasses.

He turned away from his handiwork. Before he left the quiet room, he heeled one of the lenses, grinding it to dust and tiny shards. //

Daniel blinked. For a moment the image of crushed glasses was superimposed over Jack's face. He blinked again, all he saw was Jack and an empty corridor.

Daniel gasped, took another shuddering breath. Had he stopped breathing? Breathing as hard as he was, it certainly felt like it.

He was sitting on his knees, his back against the wall only because Jack's hand pinned him there. Jack was crouched before him, one hand on Daniel's shoulder, the other on his knee. His glasses were still on the floor, Daniel noted absently.

Daniel nodded shakily, shifted himself just enough to lean against the wall without Jack's support. His hands were shaking and he felt cold all over.

"Ashton," he breathed. He squeezed his eyes shut, quickly snapped them back open at the image he saw there. Daniel swallowed. "I saw... Sgt. Ashton is dead."

Jack looked at him for a long moment with an expression he couldn't read. Finally, he asked, "Did you 'see' where?"

Daniel cringed, not wanting to recall it, but the knowledge came unbidden. "Storage room. Uhm..I think...down stairs two levels. Jack, he... I tried to stop it. I couldn't stop it." He stared at his trembling hands.

"I'll send someone down to check," Jack said softly. "Can you walk? I want Frazier to take a look at you."

Daniel allowed Jack to help him to his feet. Jack snagged his glasses on the way up. Daniel, trembling, leaned heavily on him as they started for the infirmary.

Daniel's mind kept returning to the thought he had 'heard' in the vision. What did that mean that there was someone else more fun to torment? And who did he want revenge on?